Running/existing in a random stream of consciousness

I guess I first started this blog as a way to keep track of what my little family was doing ... but after starting it, I didn't have time to update it because I was too busy living/loving life with my little family.

Then when I started running, I figured I'd use it to keep track of my training, races, etc. and I've pretty much stuck with that, even though I don't update it as often as I should.

Also, I haven't really made my blog public knowledge yet. I mean, I'm okay if people find out about it but it's not something I publicize or promote. More like a "these are my thoughts - read them at your own risk" kind of thing.

side note: I do love to write. I just rarely have time to.

And I thought the title of this particular post is very apt with how I'm coping these days ... pretty much in a random stream of consciousness. Day by day, hour by hour, whatever it takes to get to the next thing.

And that's pretty much how I run too. Without music (unless I'm on the dreadmill) and just thinking my thoughts in a random state of mind. I think about life, I think about love, I think about my family, I think about the future, I think about how much pain I'm in (physical, emotional, etc.), and I think about pretty much everything in between. I pray. I solve whatever problems I think I have. I ask for help for whatever situations I may need help with. I thank God for every blessing I undeservedly have. Basically, I think about anything and everything. I mean, the actual act of running is pretty boring and my mind moves faster than my legs do anyway.

I'm taking some time off from running. It's not that I'm burned out - but I am. I'm burned out on a lot of things right now -- running, reading, walking during my lunch hour or even with the pugs around the neighborhood ... pretty much anything that I enjoyed is not high on my priority list right now. And that sucks. I've been doing some Pure Barre classes. Signed up for a free week and then got suckered into signing up for 30 days at a 'low' rate. They might think it's low but after the 30 days are up, I'm definitely done. I even went ahead and put my name on the schedule for as many days as possible -- but I've already missed one. Will likely miss more as the weeks go on. But training for marathon #2 will start on June 19. I'm not really looking forward to it as without my running partner, I've lost all motivation. I have to prove it to myself that I can do this without his support.

I was talking with someone recently about communication and how there are so many different aspects to successful communication. It's not just talking and listening. It's about being heard and making sure you're communicating in a way that the other person will hear and understand. I spent a summer in Germany during college. My German sucked (still does) and even though many of the students I became friends with had been studying English for many years, there were always communication difficulties. For example - this was the summer that Wayne's World came out and I went to see it in the theater over there. Some of the jokes were translated literally and made no sense in German so no one laughed throughout the movie and I found out that the movie basically bombed outside the U.S. Had the translators rewrote some of the jokes so that they'd appeal to German (or foreign) audiences, the movie would have been more successful. Likewise, if I'm trying to communicate with someone or they with me, we need to be able to read each other to know if the other person is actively listening and comprehending what is being said and not said. If it appears the other person just doesn't get it, then we need to change how we are expressing ourselves to that person. Sure makes a hell of a lot of sense to me ... just wish I had realized this a few years ago. But ... well ... it's too little, too late. Amiright?

Life sucks sometimes.

Thanks for reading though. If you're a praying person, please say a prayer for me. I'm in the most difficult season of my life right now ... but I know that if I can get through this, and if I can show my kids that I can survive this, then I'll come out stronger in the end. God help me.